I must say I do not like, nor use, nor hold to the use of, or the actual act of cheating. Cheating is cheating, and it's totally and completely wrong. My grandmother said - once a cheat always a cheat and you cannot trust dishonest people and cheating is dishonest... - period! What I was taught is... honesty is always the best for everything, because it makes you an ethical honorable human being. One that can be relied upon even in the most dire of situations and circumstances. Now... I understand when the word cheating is used in our lifestyle context, but I argue that words have a powerful meaning and using a word that signifies wrongdoing and dishonesty to most of the general public... harms our lifestyle cause. It sure doesn't do anything good or positive that's for sure.
What I've always done is be honest in everything... and especially in my sexuality and my discussions about my sexual beliefs, activities and actions. Yes, it's been awkward and surprising and sometimes infuriating to others... but it's always let me walk away with the knowledge I told the truth and how the other party took that truth is up to them, not me! I stayed honest! I had no regrets because I was honest and... ultimately others who began to know and understand me knew I would always take the stand of truth and honesty no matter what - even if it was absolutely what they didn't want to hear.
So... this takes me to the word and it's usage when discussing or speaking about our interracial sexually embraced wonderful lifestyle. I really believe we need to stop using that word - cheat, cheating, cheated... etc, in all its manifestations. It doesn't do us well and only harms our cause. What I would like to see is when someone is explaining about seeing their lover or seeing a Black man or seeing other Black men - is to state it more as simply as what it is for you... in other words... and I will use your own sentence as an example -->
I encouraged her to find a suitable lover, she was very hesitant. I would love to hear from wives/female partners about any hesitancy women might feel toward openly taking a Black lover. Women that I know who have taken Black lovers (including my own wife), are ultra-careful, secretive, and protective of that secret. I wonder if it's the excitement of the taboo as much as the enjoyment of better sex that drives some women to take a Black lover secretly...and admitting it or doing it openly detracts from the excitement for some women.
That's simply a tiny example of what I'm meaning... Anyway, I simply wanted to bring this thing up or the use of language and especially that particular word and its use and how it really does us and the lifestyle a disservice when we use it. It's universally a negative and we are after all... trying to promote the lifestyle positively and seriously as an internationally seen and thought of GOOD ...not something attached to an unwanted ill-thought of lifestyle choice. In other words... let's not give the opposing side of our views things they can actually use against us!
(((((((Happy-Hugs)))))))
Khristy xoxo